CLICK: Strange Stuff for Idle Minds

Jesus of the Week

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:07:00 +0000

3/28/2006 Update: Apparently Peter Gilstrap stopped updating Jesus of the Week in 2000. I received this tip from someone called "The Jesus Keeper" in a note signed "Bless You". It's a lucky day for me!

http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/
For the first 1,900 years after the birth of Christ, artists spent their lives developing and perfecting methods to depict skillfully the life and tragic death of Jesus of Nazareth. Ever since then it's been a downward spiral of cheap plastic kitsch and holy craft art -- all of which somehow ended up in the home of L.A. writer Peter Gilstrap. If you're not easily offended by what some will surely consider sacrilege, take a tour through this growing collection of 83 trinkets straight out of America's church bazaars and shrines. There you'll find a plastic Jesus night light, a J.C. doormat and a good dose of tongue-in-cheek Catholicism. True aficionados can submit a digital confession for a chance at a genuine Jesus napkin holder.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1997)
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Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:00:00 +0000

http://www.drbukk.com/gmhom/gmindex.html
Why do trailer park tenants spend their money on fancy trucks and hot rods while littering their yards with old appliances and retired, avocado-green furniture? Doug Kelley berates the Bubba in all of us in "Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi," a guided photographic tour of some of the finer abodes of Columbus, Mississippi. Even better than the pictures are the letters from angry, self-identified Southern Baptists, one of whom curiously argues with the author about who really won the Civil War. (Hint: it doesn't rhyme with hankey)

Note added April 10, 2005: This site used to have a different URL, and when you go there you find a note that it had been purchased by Drbukk.com. Where was I when people were purchasing funny Web sites? Oh yeah, that was the 1990s. I was keeping my head down at AOL hoping I wouldn't be laid off, which would never happen, but it took me 6 years to figure that out ...

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Fat!So?

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:13:00 +0000

http://www.fatso.com/
It's hard to find a site that kicks you in the seat of your pants anymore. Here's one that moons you. Squatting on the fence of Internet decency, the site of "Fat!So?" magazine greets the casual surfer with a vivid screen of well-padded rear ends. Click any one of them and you'll actually learn some fascinating things about obesity, which editor Marilyn Henrietta Wann -- the absolute nemesis of Susan Powter -- is attempting to bring into mainstream society by nothing less than brute force. If you're looking for the butt of the joke, you're in the punch line. "Fat people are not, by definition, lazy or stupid," writes Wann. "People who believe in such stereotypes, however, are."

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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PhoneSpell

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:14:00 +0000

http://www.phonespell.org/
One of the great secrets of remembering phone numbers is to assign letters to numbers to create words. Phonespell does the hard part for you. Just feed the site a 7- or 10-digit number to bring up a list of possible acrostic combinations, some of which make sarcastic or silly statements about their owners. After crunching every public number I could think of, I learned that Marion Barry's office sports the stylish number "papa 980," while the vestigial D.C. City Council languishes at "rag-8000." People with tax problems can consult the District Auditor by dialing "rape-600". And finally (this is no joke), sewage problems can be referred to the Office of Solid Waste Management at "pa-shit-a".

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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The Payphone Project

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:14:00 +0000

http://sorabji.com/livewire/payphones/
There you are filling up your car when the nearby payphone starts ringing off the hook. Ever wonder how and why people call these anonymous numbers? It all became clear to me when I chanced upon The Payphone Project. This frighteningly comprehensive directory of public phones in almost every area code in North America provides not only their seven-digit codes, but information on their environs. That way you know if the person on the other end is in the lobby at Ichabod Crane Middle School, inside a post office in Bellevue or outside a reading room at the Library of Congress. What's truly scary is that you can add your own numbers -- a surefire way to punish sworn enemies. I'll take a telemarketer over a Net phone voyeur any day.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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The Bus Plunge Network

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:17:00 +0000

http://users.lmi.net/tcs55/
The next time you're teetering up a slippery Pennsylvanian mountain pass or over an icy bridge, remember this simple fact: innocent people like you are being hurled to certain death on public buses every day. The Bus Plunge Network memorializes them all -- from the 42 Moroccan farm workers whose vehicle tumbled down an overpass to the 12 Hindu pilgrims whose uplifting visit to a Shivan shrine was cut short by a hungry gorge. The latter case is irreverently classified by the webmaster as a case of "pilgrimus morticus." Other genus classifications include "bridgus slipperius", "curvus skiddus", "ferryboat sinkus", and the all to frequent "driver inebrious."

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Absurd Inventions

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:19:00 +0000

h ttp://totallyabsurd.com/absurd.htm
The endless pursuit for quick money has lead to some pretty goofy inventions in this country. Take the patented "all-terrain stroller," a battle-ready baby carriage that comes with tank treads and steel armor. Not high-tech enough for your toddler? Perhaps if you'd known about the "diaper alarm" sooner, baby wouldn't have such a rash. There are also plenty of toys of grown-ups such as the "face-flexor" exercise machine and an basement bargain nuclear fallout shelter.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Godzilla vs. Tamagotchi

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:22:00 +0000

http://www.jitterbug.com/gvt/gvt.shtml
Godzilla secured his role of King of the Monsters by conquering such villains as Rodan and Mothra, but 1990s technology may be his match. The culprit is not precision weaponry, but that other Japanese monster: the virtual pet. In the game "Godzilla Vs. Tamagotchi" (inspired by Mar Newland's 1969 short film "Bambi Meets Godzilla"), you must squash baby babitchi before he grows into the more nimble masktchi, who slips through your feet like so much toe jam. Indeed size does matter -- but apprently smaller is better. (Note: Shockwave is required.) -Dan Pacheco

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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The World Through the Eyes of a Honeybee

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:24:00 +0000

http://cvs.anu.edu.au/andy/beye/beyehome.html
Summer means not just allergies, but swarms of bees flaunting their stingers mere inches from your face. But remember: they're more afraid of you than you are of them, partly because your nose is bigger than Barbara Streisand's from a bee's point of view. See how scary a human face, a spider web and even another bee can look through a composite eye, and gain new insight into why trapped bees never seem to be able to find their way out of your car.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Virtual Beer Server

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:25:00 +0000

http://beer.trash.net/
As big business beats the Web into submission, it's easy to lament the days of two guys in a garage changing the world. But don't give up on them yet. The trash.net virtual beer server -- run by five guys in Switzerland -- lets you e-mail a cold one to your pal in a split second. While the beer is obviously a mirage (a glitch that's sure to be solved by future garage dwellers), the effect on the soul upon receiving free beer is nothing less than liberating. Unfortunately, it also makes daily e-mail memos that much more boring.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Stare Down Sally

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:26:00 +0000

http://www.stairwell.com/stare/
Sally mercilessly mocked you with her plutonium green eyes after blowing the curve of every high school math test. With her unnaturally symmetrical widow's peak and perfectly plucked brows, you knew she was the evil wunderkind incarnate. Ready for sweet revenge? Try to stare down Sally without blinking. The computer-generated 1950s witch may stare you back for several seconds or an eternity, depending on her mood. But even if you win you lose: after all, you just flushed several minutes of your life down the toilet while Sally went on to run a high-tech company.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Plot-o-Matic

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:26:00 +0000

http://www.maddogproductions.com/plotomatic.htm
A kind-hearted prostitute teams up with a crotchety codger to solve the perfect crime. An absent-minded scientist joins a fellow hostage (who happens to have a black belt in karate) to discover America -- and in the process betrays a nun. If you think you're reading this summer's movie guide, you've been fooled by the "Plot-o-matic." Throw in a few characters, dial a genre and out comes your blockbuster. Here's $10 that says the next "Godzilla" flick involves a prostitute, hostage or nun.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Nude Carrot Man

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:27:00 +0000

http://www.maui.net/%7Eliam/nudecarrot/nudemancarrot.html
What's the big deal with human nudity online? Lewd, nude vegetables are much more interesting. Take Nude Man Carrot, nature's own anatomically correct (and orange) "David". When he showed up on the chopping block of Liam Ball, he couldn't bring himself to stew him. So he put together a photo spread that would make any vegetarian blush. You might even call it raw.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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And the Bride Wore ...

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:29:00 +0000

http://www.visi.com/%7Edheaton/bride/the_bride_wore.html
In honor of the torrent of trashy, ad-packed wedding magazines, here's the ultimate collection of wedding attire people couldn't be paid to put on. For the bride, there's the hermetically sealed bridal veil, the "my butt isn't big enough" train and a whole category of missteps called simply "flower abuse". For the groom, the white-striped Pepe Le Pew tuxedo. But the grand prize goes to "Bride of the Mummy," a dark swirl of fabric tightly wound all the way to the bride's face -- or is that her stomach? You decide.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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Garlic, Sour Cream and Leeches

Dan Pacheco — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:31:00 +0000

http://www.uib.no/isf/people/doc/leech.htm
One day, someone arbitrarily decreed that a little garlic each day keeps vampires away. Science disagrees. According to a recent study, leeches gorge on garlic, then shrivel up and die. The conclusion for vampires is obvious. Wearing a string of garlic at night is like setting up a roach motel. Vampires may check in, but only after your blood checks out. This fall I'm sticking with bug repellant.

(This was reprinted from my Washington Post column in 1998)
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